support – Life of the Girl Wrestler

Depression

I’m gonna be honest. When I heard about people having depression, I used to think, “They can just be happy; it doesn’t seem that bad. They need to just leave whatever is making them not happy.” I now know that it’s not easy; it’s actually a lot to go through. You can’t just tell yourself, “You’ll be fine.” You can’t just talk about what you’re going through and it will stop. You try to keep pushing through, and you try your best to remove yourself from whatever is putting you in depression. However, that may only help so much. For me, I had to remove it from my life and find the opposite of what gave me depression. To stop my depression, I had to change everything I was used to. I had to give up seeing my best friend daily because it was necessary for me to change schools. I had to give up my opportunity to compete at state track (I’d been training for this opportunity ever since I failed to qualify last season) because I’m ineligible for varsity level sports since I transferred schools. It was hard, but I knew that I had to end what was causing me to be depressed because my life depended on me making that change.

Thankfully, I can truly say I did! I’m honestly happy at my new school and LOVE it! Talking about what was giving you depression doesn’t make it go away, but it does help knowing that people care about you. It’s still hard to talk about it all, especially when you hear that people downplay everything you went through, but it’s easier when you know that there are those that support you.

So, if you know someone that may be going through depression, I encourage you to tell them how much they mean to you and that you love them. NEVER judge someone who is or has gone through depression because you probably don’t know how much they’ve gone through. Even if they have talked to you about what they are going through and you think it doesn’t sound that bad, it doesn’t mean it’s not. Please, please, please don’t tell them that it can’t be that bad and they’re just making a big deal out of it. I have had people tell me, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing” and “I’m just now hearing about it, so it wasn’t that bad.” Unfortunately, I had even more than just that said to me and to my siblings and parents, but that’s what I heard the most. It was hard to fight my depression and draw attention to it. It was hard to fight a system stacked against me to help make that changes necessary to overcome depression and hard to leave the few things that did give me joy. And it is hard to know people think you’re just overreacting, but like I said, it has been easier because of the few that were always willing to listen and support. So, if you’re going through depression, don’t give up and do keeping fighting. And if you ever need someone to talk to or just to know you’re not alone, I’m always here to listen and let you know that you have someone that cares!

– Josephine

These are some of my first friends I ever made as a wrestler; they don’t go to my new school or my old one. But these guys were always there for me and were an essential part of my support system that I will always be grateful for, so it couldn’t be more perfect that my first dual with my new team was against their team!

When they say you can’t, show them you CAN

I’ve had a lot of people tell me I should write about everything I’ve gone through with being a female wrestler, and I didn’t really want to at first. But then I heard about a lot of female wrestlers quitting the sport they love because of bad coaches or teammates, and it made me decide I should write about my wrestling career. Maybe it will be the thing to help one girl stay out or several. So, here’s my story. As an 8th grader, all I’d ever done is be a wrestling manager. We found out about AAU girls state 2 weeks before it, and I didn’t really want to do it. I wasn’t going too, but then I had some of the boys tell me I couldn’t do it and would just get my butt kicked. Me being me, I had to prove them wrong. I went to state with just 4 practices and took 6th out of 12 girls. I really liked wrestling, so I decided to stay with it. I didn’t want to go against boys, so I did girl only tournaments and did really well. My sophomore year I went out for my high school team. I was the only girl and was the first girl my coaches ever had, but that’s no excuse for how I was treated. At first everything was alright…. But then I started not getting let into team meetings and getting sat out at practice because I “wasn’t good enough” to wrestle top on one of my teammates. The coaches had me sit to the side while they went with him. I watched and didn’t get to practice top that day. I never once had the coaches coach me. I’d get left by myself at meets/tournaments not knowing where to go or what time to warm-up, and I didn’t get talked to at practice or even looked at. I was getting made fun of at school and on social media for wrestling with the boys. I had some of the wrestlers on MY team tell me I’m not actually on the team. They said things like: “we don’t want you on the team” and would tell me that I shouldn’t even sit with team at duals. The coaches did nothing about it. I started to see that I was not supported at all on the team, and it got really hard to even want to go to practices and meets and have to be around the team knowing I wasn’t supported. I stuck with it and just thought to myself “I’m wrestling for me,” but that got hard to keep saying. I started to think that if I just quit, I could be done with these people that don’t support me; I could go back to doing just the off-season things and not be part of the school team. But I kept going. I was crying myself to sleep every night because it’s hard having to do something no one else is and not having people be supportive of you doing it. I started to see I wasn’t getting support from any administration at the school either. About half-way through the season we (my family and I) went to the school about everything hoping it would get better, and the school told us that they would talk to the coaches. But we were told that I had to remember that it’s the first time having a girl on the team, so we gave them a chance to change. Nothing did. The school didn’t care, and it hurt me knowing I didn’t matter to anyone. So, I now go to a new school, and the coaches are great! They haven’t let me down once. The boys on the team here are also great and support me so much. But the point of me writing this was to let all you female wrestlers out there know that we might not always be supported, but let’s prove that we CAN wrestle with the boys. Trust me it’s very hard having no one care, but don’t give up on the sport you love because of bad coaches or teammates. It can be really hard not having the support you need but keep pushing though and don’t let them get the best of you. I will be sharing more and more of my story on this blog, and I am here for any of you that need someone to reach out to. I know how it feels when you think you’re all alone. -Josephine

A coach that cares makes all the difference…